More Daring Life: How to Live?

Living a full and meaningful life requires vulnerability. You have to take risks, either by opening yourself to relationships or exploring your interests and pursuing your desires. If you try to avoid any possibility of being hurt, you may be moving away from what you fear, but you will not necessarily go to what you want.

Instead, to live a full life, you must be willing to take calculated risks. You can help you gain the courage to be more daring by fostering relationships that encourage you to pursue your interests. These relationships can function as secure bases that support you in your explorations.

It is helpful to talk with these people (these secure bases) when you need support, but it is even more useful to internalize your breath so that you can make sense of it within yourself. In other words, you will feel close to them and supported by them, even when they are physically far away. Research has supported the idea that it can “prime” or strengthen a secure base by consciously and repeatedly accessing your comfort and encouragement.

Based on an exercise in my book, Bouncing Back from Rejection, the following exercise offers a useful way to prepare your secure base using your phone:

Choose someone who is a safe base. Choose someone who supports you and encourages you to explore your interests (this article can help you identify who are the safe bases in your life).

Find a photo of this person on your phone. While it may be any image, it may be more useful to choose an image that represents a positive experience they had together.

Save this image in an easily accessible place on your phone. You can turn it into your wallpaper or save it to a favorite album. The idea is that it should be easy to find.

Set an alarm on your phone to see this image every day. While this exercise is based on research that shows that safe priming of bases is useful, there is no evidence of the best way to do it or the best frequency. I suggest you look at this image at least once or twice a day.

Every time the alarm sounds, “prime” this secure base. Look at the image and do the following:

Pause long enough to remember again that you are affectionate, supportive and encouraging.

Repeat the following sentences (aloud, if possible). Repeat them slowly and with a connection to what you are saying (or thinking):

__________ really cares about me and just being close to them is comforting.

If I am upset, I can ask for help and they will probably be there to help me. This would help me feel relieved and better able to cope.

I can rely on __________ to support me and encourage me in the activities I want to do.

You can print or save the sentences on your phone so you always have them with you. And the more you repeat them in an emotionally connected way, the more effectively you can turn to this person as a secure base that will support your personal growth and development.

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