Does your marriage need more love?Dave Smith
How much do you love your spouse? This may seem a confusing question in part because love can be very difficult to define. Strong marriages have three basic types of love: Smith expresses passionately in songs of love and poetry. It is romantic, sensual and sexual love. Carol is the word for the deep affection that friendship feels.
Agape is historically considered the highest form of love. It is an unconditional love that is not connected to the circumstances. When important problems arise and the other two types of love tense, agape allows you to feel compassion and forgiveness; and stay there for your spouse.
Each of the three types of love supports and increases others. Therefore, it is important to serve them all. One way to do this is to think about how you can deepen each one. While you can reflect on this alone, you may want to discuss it with your spouse.
You may even find it more useful to do so in writing by creating three columns on one page, labeling the top of each column with one of the types of love.
List the ways in which it currently nurtures each type of love.
For example, you might notice how you wear sexy lingerie to inspire Smith; start personal and supportive conversations as an expression of Carol; and offer forgiveness even when you fight to feel hurt.
Make a list of the new ways you can cultivate each type of love.
You can organize a romantic dinner (Smith), set aside time for a long walk with your spouse (Carol) and refocus on your personal struggles to compassionately support your spouse to face your inner demons.
List the ways in which it tends to hamper each type of love.
You may notice that it hinders all three types of love by spending very little time together and getting distracted when they are together. Address how you can address each obstacle.
You can arrange to have regular dating nights, turn off your phones during that time, and look into each other’s eyes as your heart opens.
As with any goal, it helps to be specific about what you are going to do. Instead of saying they will spend more time together, decide when they will do this (for example, Tuesday nights) and what they will do (for example, cook dinner together). Being specific does not mean that you have to decide on every detail. For example, you might agree to spend a night together outside the house, but make different plans each week, perhaps focusing on each of the three types of love at different times (for example, taking a romantic cruise, watching a movie and then discuss it) during dinner, as volunteers together in a food bank).
Although all marriages have their moments of greater and lesser closeness, their marriage will continue to flourish while fostering their sexual connection, bonds of friendship and unconditional love.
Tags: Love, Marriage, Relationship, Dating and Marriage