You May Have Met a NarcissistDave Smith
Most of us are attracted to new and bright things. In the social sphere, it means meeting new people who are attractive, have interesting things to say and are exciting. This can be a fun and captivating conversation, but be careful when these traits characterize a new friend. You may have met a narcissist. While this first conversation could attract you, future conversations could continue along the same lines, essentially no deeper, no more personal and no recognition of what you have to offer the relationship. A narcissist can present himself as safe and confident, but inside they feel less important, it is not that they admitted it, even to themselves. Instead of facing their feeling of being defective or inappropriate, they are oriented to reinforce themselves.
They have an idealized view of themselves and identify with that. As long as they can keep the image in their own eyes at least, they can feel good, even superior, about whom they are. Of course, narcissism is not all or nothing. People can be more or less narcissistic. But the more narcissistic a person is, the more fragile is his defense against what he feels underneath; this limits their ability to recognize weaknesses or be vulnerable. Instead of opening up to others, they maintain the image.
So how can you tell if someone is narcissistic? A clue is the way they participate in conversations. Conversations with narcissists:
It can be lovely: narcissists can be very attractive and charismatic, but to meet their own needs. At this time, they may seem interested in you, but this is less because of a real interest and desire to connect and more because of your own interests.
They are dominated by them: they are much more interested in what they have to share with the world than in what others have to share with them.
Turn around them: narcissists have much to say about themselves, what they know or what they have done. They look great and self-important; and expect to be recognized for their self-assessed superiority (which may or may not reflect reality). Interestingly, when a weakness is exposed, they also have an exaggerated feeling that they are worse than others.
Lack of depth: focused on maintaining their image, narcissists cannot be truly open with others about themselves. Nor do they listen or seriously consider others. Therefore, they do not empathize or really connect emotionally with them.
Full of interruptions: narcissists often feel justified when talking about others or by changing the conversation back to themselves.
It can be antagonistic: they are often condescending, either directly or indirectly, letting you know that you are less important than them.
Consequently, they often feel entitled to preferential treatment, breaking social rules or conventions to satisfy their own interests. They may also feel justified in exploiting others to meet their own needs or desires.
Narcissists are not “bad” people, and you may enjoy spending time with them, but it is important to curb your expectations. Consider how the narcissism of the person is expressed and its limitations. The truth is, of course, that we all have limitations. But keep in mind how your narcissism affects you and decides from there how involved is the relationship you want to have with them.
Tag: Friendship, Dating and Marriage