Messages in our culture can affect a woman’s libidoDave Smith
Women are facing negative messages in our culture maximum people know. But you may not realize that the negative messages received during a woman’s formative years can have a profound impact on how she looks sexually and how it feels to have sex. By rejecting and transcending these messages, a woman can develop a strong erotic core, allowing her to get in touch with her desire.
Here are some common harmful messages that women hear, even unconsciously, about their sexuality;
A woman’s body is an object. Throughout her life and particularly in formative adolescence, a woman can receive unwanted sexual attention. Be it calls from cats of construction workers, or from too long looks of men, this unwanted sexual attention takes a woman out of her body. You can feel like an object to be coveted, and having a weaker physical capacity increases your vulnerability. Instead of enjoying your maturing sexual body, its development can feel dangerous.
A woman who wants sex is a whore. This message is widespread from preadolescence to adulthood. A man I worked with, whose wife had low libido, completely denied her teenage daughter’s claim that she had been the sexual initiator with her boyfriend. He refused to see that his daughter had wishes because somehow that stained her vision of her purity or her femininity. The modern incarnation of this message is the prevalence of “shame of a bitch.” This background message contrasts sharply with the message about men interested in sex: sexual interest is almost synonymous with being a man.
For a woman, giving herself permission to feel sexual and want to have sex is the first step in developing a healthy erotic core. Exploring your own body to know what touches you feel good and waking it up means that your body is an instrument of pleasure, which you can then share whenever you want.
A woman’s body does not belong to her. The superficial focus of the media on women’s appearance and dress can make a woman feel that her body does not belong to her. The messages of the media, from the headlines of “you will not believe how it looks now” about actresses of the past to segments of news that discuss the clothes of a political woman, suggest that the value of a woman is in her appearance and that it is a merchandise for public consumption. . The approach rarely focuses on the character, wisdom, intellect, contribution or any other internal quality of a woman. Too easily, a woman can join this objectification of her body through critical observation. Suddenly, she is out of her body watching him instead of being an incarnate person.
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If these types of cultural messages have influenced the way you see yourself, here are some ways to lessen the effects:
To recover the feeling that your body is integrated and complete, recognize that your actions and experiences matter more than your physical appearance. When you feel your agency in the world, you will feel freer to express your sexual desire.
If you find yourself looking outside, return gently to the physical sensations of taste, touch and sensation. Speak kindly about your body. Research shows that self-acceptance is the fastest route to change. And, if you have daughters, let them know that it is good and natural to be interested in sexuality.
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