During infertility treatment: sexually connectedDave Smith
Most couples know that infertility treatment will affect them physically and emotionally, but many are not prepared for the effect it has on their sexual intimacy. The hype refocus on fertility can greatly affect desire and arousal in women and can cause sexual dysfunction in men. The following stressors explain why:
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The spontaneity is gone. During infertility treatment, desire is no longer the main reason for making love. Instead, watches, thermometers, medications, ultrasound and tests now govern when the best time to have sex is. Infertile couples have sex to maximize fertility when they ovulate, increase sperm counts and do so in positions that facilitate sperm to the egg. While this amount of planning may be necessary to increase the chances of conceiving, it has a cost: forty-five percent of couples struggling with infertility treatment report that sex “for hours” is stressful. Sex on demand can cause men to develop erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation .
Their sexual organs are tested and evaluated for functioning, often with procedures that hurt or even border on humiliation. Hormonal medications that increase ovulation, change the acidity of the vagina or build the uterine lining often create mood swings that decrease desire. At some point in this medical process, the body begins to look mechanically, as functional or not, and sexual intercourse is only good if there is a product resulting from this: a pregnancy. The process of helping a couple create a child, ironically, can be dehumanizing.
Changes in the sexual definitions of the self. Research shows that women in infertility treatment often see themselves as more feminine if they ovulate in a month but less feminine in months without egg release. Men may begin to feel less self-confident sexually if they cannot create a child with sexual intercourse, regardless of whether it is due to their sperm count or not. Often, when pregnancy occurs without sexual intercourse, but through interventions such as intrauterine fertilization or in vitro fertilization and implantation, couples can often see themselves as sexually unsuccessful.
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How to find sexual intimacy during and after infertility treatment:
Recognize the crisis. Infertility usually occurs within a young couple or marriage and is often the first and unexpected proof of the strength of their coping skills. Sexuality and emotional connection are intrinsically inseparable. The couple has to accept that their path to pregnancy will be complicated and more mechanical than they could have expected, giving each other permission to talk about it and express their disappointment without false mutual guarantees to stay connected.
Protect your union against more intrusions. Couples may need to protect each other from hurtful comments or the judgment of their families. Similarly, well-intentioned people often make incredibly naive comments such as: “As soon as you stop trying, you will probably get pregnant.” Be selective about who to disclose your plans as your support system forms. It is quite difficult to endure month after month without pregnancy, much less if you have to inform an audience that also asks about the outcome of your sex life.
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Spread the intimate sex of making babies. If you can, reserve your bed as the place to try to get pregnant, and make love for fun on the couch, on a carpet in front of the fireplace or book a hotel room, something more creative that frees you from having sex “. Try to have a pleasant experience a month as a time to talk, touch, reconnect and reassure each other of your love and desire without the pressure of a result.
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Share your feelings Do not try to be strong for your partner. Be open about the worries in your head and ask about your partner’s fears. Couples who enter into a cycle of communication with a couple who complains or criticizes and the other who defends or withdraws has the risk of derailing both sex and their relationship. You may want to seek therapy to help become clearer communicators during this stressful season.
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